As you know if you read the first draft of my essay (posted about a week ago) i am not an exceptionally good writer, at least not when it comes to working from an outline. Thankfully, I do have friends (and a lovely young woman) who are willing give me the badly-needed help required to improve the debacle that was my first draft. here's Draft number 2. It may be a final draft, those due dates are starting to loom large...
Ever since reading Norman Maclean’s novel A River Runs Through It, I have been struck by the parallels between my family and the Macleans. Change the location from Montana to Oregon, and turn the clock forward 100 years, and it could be my own family. In the Maclean family, the father is respected, the brothers are often at odds, and the mother is loved above all else. In my family, my father is a Ruling Elder at our church, my relationship with my brother has long been characterized by tension (though we are closer now than we were in the past) and my mother grants adoration far more generously than we can properly repay.
The eldest Maclean, Norman’s father, is an officer of the Presbyterian church and is often “anxious to be on the hills, where he could restore his soul and be filled again to overflowing.”# My father shares this trait with the elder Maclean, and I have inherited it from him. My father and I enjoy people, but when we need to be refreshed emotionally, psychologically, or spiritually, we tend to separate from the crowds and end up out in the wild lands.
The younger son in the Maclean family is marked by stubbornness and personal drive that exceeds that of the Scottish Presbyterian minister who is his father. My younger brother and my father often, to put it politely, butt heads when in contact for a long period of time. Both of them can be characterized by a powerfully driven, type-A personality; they desire to control the circumstances of their own life and the lives of others around them. While the years have softened the edges of my father’s severe nature, my brother, at the age of 20, is still considerably headstrong.
The mother Maclean is the center of the family, the rock the sons look to, the one the father loves dearly, the character who remains almost unchanging throughout the story. Kind, loving, eminently patient, she is an idealized mother spelled out on paper and clad in a short, slender frame. What can I say about my mother? She is there for us when we need her, and is the center of our family. Reminding us that when we want to take a hike, it really might be best to take along some water. when we want to go fishing, life jackets are a good idea. she keeps us from forgetting those simple little things that make everyday life easier and more enjoyable.
There is one more character in the Maclean family: Norman himself. The elder brother. The more introverted one. The one who, though there are differences in opinion, loves his brother and father, who is laid back to the point that he is able to accept most anyone as long as they are genuine. The one who has his faults -he is a people-pleaser, often to his own detriment- but he is still a kind and likable guy. This is almost exactly like me. Hello, my name is Thomas Pendell, and I would like to enter your program for the Master of the Arts in Counseling.
“When and how [did I become] a Christian.” My conversion story is rather simple; I was born into the church and God answered the prayer of my parents and never let me know a day apart from Him. My entire life has been an answer to prayer. Do I think I’m perfect? By no means. I have had my struggles, but through all of them I have always been able to reach towards the comforting arms of Christ and the support of the church around me. My struggles have mostly been private ones, but when I was able to share, the support I received from the session was undeniable and incredibly strengthening. Yes, this does make it harder for me to relate to some people, those who have lived a wild and raucous party life for example, but at the same time, it will help me relate to those who have grown up in the church. There is certainly a place for the minister who was drawn out of a drug-induced haze into the loving arms of Christ, but there is also a place for those raised within the church like me.
The story of how I decided to pursue a career in ministry has to begin in high school. I was a shy and reserved kid. I would take the corner chair whenever possible, and my level of interaction with people was minimal. It was in my sophomore year that I joined the theatre department, giving them a new person to fill the role of ‘quietest person.’ I’m not certain how much of my development was due to experience in the theatre and how much was due to simple aging, but one way or another, I was far from shy by the time I became a senior. I had become comfortable with the circle of people around the theatre. It was time to expand my social landscape beyond high school.
I continued to grow as an extrovert in my first year of college, but was slowed somewhat by the field of study I was pursuing. I was working on an engineering degree, which is not conducive to the development of social skills; lots of time spent inside among nerds (I certainly fit this category) who were nice enough but quiet. God’s designs, however, placed me in a university with a wide variety of general education requirements, including courses in philosophy, history, and theology. What I found in taking these classes was a budding interest in the humanities. I subsequently ignored this interest until my junior year. That year, two things happened to change the course of my academic career. The first event was an engineering course. I came into it having never failed a class before, and rarely having been even close. On my first exam I received a score of 59%, the highest test grade I would receive all semester.
The second event was another class, this one a theology class titled “Introduction to the Christian Faith.” It was fascinating. Reading such classics as Bunyan’s Pilgrim’s Progress, Bonhoeffer’s Life Together, and Tozer’s the pursuit of God gave me my first real taste of the Christian literature I had long meant to read, but had never seemed to find the time for. The literature got me thinking in ways I never had before (the point of all good writing, I suppose) and I loved it.
The frustration I faced in my struggle in the engineering class, combined with the joy I found in both that first well-taught and well-read theology class and the ones to follow, and my experiences the following summer as an intern at my home church led me to believe God was calling me away from a life in physics to pursue a career in ministry. Before that summer I had been wallowing in near stagnation. Since then I have been growing in my faith in a manner much more consistent with the way I should. Rather than simply accepting what I am told, I am actively pursuing the Biblical foundations of reformed theology. I am trying to pray more, though not having an active prayer life in the past, it is something I still struggle with. I read, oh do I read. Timothy Keller and C.S. Lewis (beyond Narnia) and Brian Williams and Paul Miller. These are the men who’s words I read on a regular basis now, where previously I read them only occasionally.
The classes were what planted the seed in my mind, but interning at my home church in Eugene during the summer of 2010 watered that seed with a fire hose. I read a fair amount of theology and had a lot of fascinating discussions with my pastors. I also prepared and delivered two sermons; one on the importance of diversity in evangelism, based in John 4, and one on the importance of faith over works, based in Galatians 3. My favorite part was leading the annual church campout. 40 people, seven campsites, the Metolius river, bacon over a campfire, homemade chili, and four days (three nights) of good conversation with friends in one of the most beautiful parts of God’s creation. Those mornings when I was up before the sun building a fire and making coffee helped me to understand what it meant to be a servant leader, that those whom i have looked to as good leaders have always been those ready to help the led. This realization has become a part of my vision for ministry. The Bible calls us to be servant leaders, but the practical aspects of that are often lost in today’s world. people -including, and perhaps especially ministers- get caught up in the hectic pace of life, and need to be reminded of why they are there.
As far as discipling, most of my relationships with friends have become discipling relationships. Whether my friends are Christian or not, I have often become the person they seek out for advice or comfort when facing a difficult challenge in their lives. This is becoming less of a role as I leave my undergraduate career behind and move to a place more geographically distant, but I still get the occasional text or email. I think this may be where I do my best evangelism, as well. Friendship evangelism is difficult, but it is the best way to reach others. People have to be respected before they can be converted, and they cannot be viewed simply as ‘projects.’ They do not respect a random person on the street who tells them they must repent, but a friend telling them they should take a look at this Jesus guy will at least get them thinking.
My home church needs another person to fill a void between the two pastors currently on staff. The senior pastor is an excellent communicator, but is often more straightforward than might be best at certain times. The associate pastor is much more soft spoken and has a better feel for the emotional aspects of a given situation, but has trouble couching his words in such a way as to avoid insulting people, and while the Word of God can be offensive to some, it needs to be clear the truth of the Word is shining through rather than what seems to be the opinion of the man speaking. Both of these men have helped figure some things out in my life, but I am a better communicator than my associate pastor and better at being sensitive to the emotional needs of people than my senior pastor. I fill the void.
There is another paragraph with which this essay ends, but it deals with how I intend to pay for an education at CTS, and quite frankly, I think information of that nature should not be bandied about the internet.
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